all.my.friends.(counting crows)

~ Awesome and on repeat
Thought I might get a rocket ride
When I was a child but it was a lie
That I told myself when I needed something good
At seventeen, had a better dream.
Now I'm thirty-three and it isn't me
But I'd think of something better if I could
All my friends and lovers leave me behind
I'm still looking for a girl
One way or another
I'm just hoping to find a way
To put my feet out in the world
Caught some grief from a falling leaf
As she tumbled down to the dirty ground
Said I should have put her back there if I could
But everyone needs a better day
And I'm trying to find me a better way
To get from the things I do to the things I should
All my friends and lovers leave me alone
To try to have a little fun
One way or another I just wish I had known
To go out walking in the sun
And find out if you were the one
Does it make you wanna come a little closer now?
And did you wanna dance with me?
Did you wanna hum a little harder now?
Can you see her waiting there?
Can you see her? Because I'm almost there
Can you see her waiting there for someone like me?
All you want is a beauty queen
Not a superstar but everybody's dream machine
All you want is a place to lay your head
You go to sleep dreaming how you would
Be a different kind if you thought you could
But you come awake the way you are instead
All my friends and lovers shine like the sun
I just turn and walk away
One way or another
I'm not coming undone
I'm just waiting for the day

asking a guy out

Currently am reading a book - wilful blindness - and I know subconsciously the reason why I even picked that book, was that I could see me in it.

I know that if I continued to stay in my comfort zone, I probably will be the same 21-years old self five years down the road. 31 years old but still nothing would have changed, my view still narrow, stuck in my ideals and basically status quo.

Its a scary realization, "Shyt, the days/months/years passed just like that!"

I used to think that its not difficult to like somebody. But I realise (rather unfortunately ) I fall into this pig-headed category of girls - those that choose to nitpick every other guys except the ones she likes.

Time heals all wound, and eventually - people move on. He did, I did eventually...

So recently i caught up with this guy whom i knew during the on-then off-and-on-again period when I was going out with ZJ (which dragged for three years or so). And because of this "too good to be true" guy, I never really went out with any other guys on dates. None of them lasted for more than a few dates or sustained my interest in getting to know them better. I was blinded by the possibilities I thought we have.

But when he moved on, I began to connect the dots. The holiday trips, the last minute cancellation, times when he bought out "alarm worthy" information which I never fail to choose to brush aside and forget. Instead concentrating on only the good, and what feels good. Even if its not right.

So this guy feels right to me now, but its not mutual. When we hang out, its comfortable in a old friend kind of way. But with sparks (HAHA), which is a plus in my book. If I am an independent third party looking in, I would have write us off totally in the "he just not that into you" sense. But I can be an ostrich hiding its head in the sand for matters of the heart, I would rather not think and be aware of my surroundings. I even avoid typing truth here. It was really the best date for some time, and usually if I am feeling this way, the guy tends to be swept off his feet too! :P I am giving the date's magic to wane off in a month time and its time to move on after that.

There is much to look forward to for the remaining of the year, cannot wait to create and capture more memories with the girls and family.
1) Batam
2) Hong Kong & Chengdu
3) Year end family trip

Not so nice thoughts

sometimes when there is too much on my plate, and when the smallest "too-good-for-that" request come in, I secretly wished for the day where they have to sweat the small stuffs. when i will be on my long annual leaves and they/he will suffer somewhat. . . bleh