Saw this online! Love how it seems like chocolate is dripping from the ceiling and especially so, when viewed here. Cool white lights that could potentially make the shop seems too harsh, has a surprisingly photogenic effect! ;) I Like
Season Greetings
I have been ignoring this site for sometime. Partly because others' blog always seem to be more interesting & then after surfing all their happenings, my life seem pretty much empty if not boring in comparison. Another reason was that even Yen could tell that my entries are basically swinging between wincing about my job and him. With too few entries about friends,family or anything that is more positive and that are really important... well, in a way.
I am not sure what happen along the way. It could be as one get older, we find ourselves in a situation where it becomes harder and less possible to let go. Age and the fear that I will not catch up, might be the reason for my stubbornness and that will explain why my ganchiong-spider mentality now. Catching up to whom and what, I am no longer sure as incidents accumulate and has changed me.
Everyday, I wake up with a BIG SIGHZ and wonder when the light at the tunnel will appear? Now I know more than ever, how wrong decisions and not knowing better is fatal to the heart and mind. These days all I want is to leave my current job as if doing so will right all the wrong in my life. I blamed my lack of social life on my job. I will go out more when I find my job. I blamed my unsatisfaction in life on my lack of job satisfaction. I will be happier when I find my job. Even purchases are wait-listed till I leave my job and find THE JOB. Pretty sad huh? But till now, I still believe what is missing in my life is not a man, money or happiness but a job. Somehow my very screwed mind thinks that with a job, I will be happy.
Just in case the above might mislead you that I am unemployed. I am not. Working but without job motivation. Decent salary but with no progression. And terribly wanting to get out, sometimes not understanding why too. It could be that I find it hard to relate to the architectural talks and never really able to fit in. Well and also knowing that my potential is stiffled in the administrative work and what I really want is more exposure to real brain work.
I know fully well that this emotion will pass one day, but at this moment its all that matters to me. And I can't help thinking about it and feeling disheartened by everything. There is so much to look forward to in December, but like how it is, I cannot seem to enjoy the moment as there is this unsettledness that never goes away. Creeping in at the slightest reminder and this terrible feeling seem to swallow me. And then slowly it becomes harder to smile, or to be excited and expectations slowly destroyed whats left... Especially your own expectation.
I am living my life full of regret these days. So much so, honestly I don't care about a lot of matters already. Guilty of depriving myself of good moments or happy thoughts, because I think I don't deserve anything good or should be enjoying myself if I don't get out of here. Very pemisstic thoughts and depressing to the soul. I really want to move on...
Maybe thats what this entry is about afterall
“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them - are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”
— Marilyn Monroe
I have made some changes in my life recently and sometimes wonder where these will lead. If butterfly effect do occurs and every thing has its place in life, then it does not matter how badly the present felt sometimes. Right?
And I realize how work has been mirroring love in my life. I am never happy with what I have even if I wanted it in the first place and constantly seek "dream job/career recognition and advancement" - I never really know what I will be in for and it usually did not seem to matter much for me at the beginning. My mind is in a universe on its own with its reasoning and rations that make sense temporarily and never long enough before my gut kicks in later on. Because we always long for what we can never have (or it seems) , I am pursuing my dream job in the cut-throat industry again. And like love, I am ever ready to put down my pride and carries that impossible optimism as I continue my resume sending, Again.
Been repeatedly made to question what I am looking for (job) and as easy it seems to list out my Mr. Right Out there Somewhere ideals, what types of position and why are harder like actually meeting someone like that. I wish I do not place so much importance to what I do for a living and to forget Kris.RH...
We all make them everyday. Guess I should not put too much emphasis on whats next, especially when I feel that life has its own plan. Maybe not plan as in plan plan. For better or for worse.
I have made my choice.
BS
Just when I have shifted blog, blogspot dashboard and picture upload are all working now. Doesn't life like to spring such surprises ?? Not anymore I had thought.
www.hushletstalk.wordpress.com
A site which was set up simply cos I wanted to read KAETF blog. And a site i decided to blog at when blogspot picture uploading was not working and I have nothing much to say but many memories to share. Well, I am not sure which will be the one for keep and which wil be the forsaken one now. Cos you see, I am not used to the white bright screen for WP and there is to many past left behind at BS. Maybe its where they are supposed to be.
Sypnosis
The battle of the sexes heats up in Columbia Pictures comedy The Ugly Truth. Abby Richter (Katherine Heigl) is a romantically challenged morning show producer whose search for Mr. Perfect has left her hopelessly single. She’s in for a rude awakening when her bosses team her with Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler), a hardcore TV personality who promises to spill the ugly truth on what makes men and women tick.
Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-wMe9vxkWI
_______________________________________________________________________
The truth is nothing can make a date you like disgusting. The guy of your dreams with a spinach in his teeth, so adorable so REAL. The guy who set your heart in flutters is late, it just get more nerve-wrecking. The man is always on the phone/messaging someone- you get self-conscious, was I boring?
You only get turn off when you start losing interest. And that's when any reasonable or unreasonable flaws and doings are magnify to things you can't stand and spiral to BIGGEST turn-off. When you have no interest in a person, the benefit of the doubt rarely comes into play. But when you do and is out on a date, there's probably no major turn-off if its not concerning poor personal hygiene or intolerable rudeness etc.
The ugly truth is nothing can make someone turn and walk away from your life, except for un-sustained interest.
And no matter how cynical i sound or how many dates went wrong I had before, I would love to watch T.U.T for its romance and comedy. And definitely as curious as to how insightful it will be on the opposite gender and how true it is on what makes us, Unpredictable ladies tick!
“Be a fan at the official Facebook page and catch The Ugly Truth when it opens in the cinemas on the 17th September 09!”
*In participation of Nuffnang movie tickets giveaway entry. :)
I guess we have to be thankful. There are worse things to fret about.
Less worthy things to lose sleep on/tears on for the matter.
And maybe nothing will ever come close -
matters of the heart.
I have a friend who is a lot like me.
And often, we count on one another for support.
Cos we knows the other will understand.
Quite naively, we seek encourage/comfort/convince each other.
To move on/ That its not worth it/ That ITS OKAY
But as always
like a cycle
We stay where we are at.
Cos we let our emotions rule
& we lost again.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason behind why we do what we did is the same.
I am an effort kind of girl.
A sucker for well put together words.
And have a bundle of excuses always ready.
But
Surely I could do this.
I can't seem to upload pictures in blogspot. And its like that for the different computer i tried. :(
Somewhere along the way I - changed. And because I feel less 'attractive' even to myself, I want to run the other way. And if possible not a loop back like the many times I tried. And fail terribly in my furtile lame attempts. I forgot since when I look into the mirror and like what i see before me. Its not the appearance only. If only it was so brutally simple. I think I forgot a number of stuffs... and not surprisedly I can't remember half of them what they are. But trust me, I think I make a better person a few years back.
When someone asked what I am good at during one of our random conversation:
"I am good at... waiting & being quiet..." was my first reply.
And I think its just my another way of saying
" wasting my youth and swallowing the questions in my head ..."
Well that would be more apt to describe how it was then anyway.
The cool breeze,
Open air with tiny lightings
that lit the sky like stars...
It was beautifully relaxing.
Comfortable zone with the few
& then shifted for a challenge.
Level 30 spicy wings
xTWO
And hence seated between 2 korean-like
a geeky looker
& an athletic single eye lid one
Daydream about being the female lead,
Inbetween bites of wings
& gulps of water...
It was an awkward night,
because I felt the odd one out in more than 1 way.
It was a night to remember
because I know
it can only get better.
And for the so many first tonight,
its been great in so many ways too.
:)
"I really do hope we still be friends."
%^!@
Sometimes late at night, I get drown in my emotions.
Self-inflicted hurt in this case.
As I go searching for painful reminders,
and wrenching lies.
Tomorrow I will be Ok.
My dad just bought durians home and the others are feasting on them now. Me? I am waiting for yen so that we can do our job. To finish whatever that is left. Just thinking about it make me smile & drool. Yellow fleshy refrigerated-cold. YUM YUM.
Have met up with a couple of girl friends recently and will be meeting up with the G.G gang this weekend. This simple meet ups has been my recent small pleasures. Updates from them and sharings are now highlights of my boring life. I am glad however to have them and everything that I happen to be part of by just being myself. Family. Friends. Circle of trust.
:)
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big
I just stopped my resume sending for the night. Its felt more like an emergency brake. If i see another - degree of economics/business admin/finance under my dream job, I doubt my heart can take it. Well, it had its fair share of knocks & bruises these days but i will leave that to later. Same to my ego. But I learnt the (unwise) way when I without much thought took out an advertising position, and find it totally different from what I have in mind. There can be hundred and one reason why i quit my job! But i quit & never regret it. I think thats the only good thing about it. I seem to can't decide what is best for me till now. At my age. I still think I lack many grow-up qualities like the 3s ( slow & steady & stable) or knowledge. I am still a ganchiong spider and awkward girl. Oh gosh!
I digress.
Motivated by friends recently who managed to either land a good job or REJECT an good offer. Yah I know she know. But I am sure they are all happy with their final decision. So, I SUPPORT! ;)
Oh on the matter of the hearts. I love stories, other people stories. Cos I almost could live happiness when they share. Not all stories can make me feel that way though. Sometimes, I could feel my heart tear a little with some revealation.
On a total random note, I was looking through my pictures and realise I used to like self shot and tilt my head at weird angle or the camera at weird angle. The 'newest' picture is mid 2008 i think. It could be even older. I had to make this disclaimer. :) I never use the first picture for my resume as I think it is abit like ah-ma san. Its not the worst even. And to be fair. I gonna put up one of yen's. Hers is much cuter!
有一天
這些都會過去的
想到這結果
我就欣慰
再怎麼累死人的愛
再怎麼累死人的恨
都會過去
失眠
被冤枉
交通阻塞
長得不好看
都會過去
真是令人讚歎啊
生命怎麼能訂製得這麼仁慈 ?
又這麼冷淡 ?
你愛收集的
到底是我們的笑啊 ?
還是我們的淚 ?
你不必回答我
不管是基於內疚
還是基於憐憫
你都不必回答我
因為你已經夠貼心了
你有向我再三保證了 :
有一天
我這些微不足道的疑惑
也都會過去的
也都會過去的
I love checking back on CaiKangYong Blog. His entry surprises me sometimes. And always seems to speak to me. Whispering words of comfort & knowledge at the same time. 有一天這些都會過去的
You whispered that you were getting tired
Got a look in your eye
Looks a lot like goodbye.
Hold on to your secrets tonight.
Don't want to know, I'm ok with this silence
It's truth that i don't want to hear
So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart
Look me in the eye
Lie lie lie.
-lure-rics
Do U feel my excitment?
Below is cut & paste from Das/mond.Ko/h blog. Written by someone called grace. Not a complete cut but hope you enjoy it as much as I did. I love stories.
Sometimes I don't know what I want or how I come to this. When I could not get to sleep at 2am when I have been in bed since 11pm, I knew I can't be as "care-less" I made myself out to be. Not with him anyway.
I wish this blog was more private then maybe I will not hesitate to say what I have always wanted to share.
Anyway, if I was to chart all the ultimares it will just be reflections of my useless attempts. And I am ashamed that despite nothing, I can't break free. Much A/d/o About N/othing
詞：黃婷 作曲：周谷淳
買CD 把你的聲音丟在角落
看電影 到結局總是配角的錯
你要的故事 讓你去說
我要的生活 我好好過
寫日記 寫不出是誰的感受
夜空裡 每個人佔有一個星座
你到底懂不懂 我只要一點溫熱的觸碰
你到底懂不懂 有些話 並不是 一定要說
你總說愛情之所以為愛情 是用來揮霍
你總是漫不在乎 當我看著自己的稀薄
你編織的感覺難以捉摸
你比我的夢境還困惑
我看見愛情之所以為愛情 誰都在揮霍
我想的天長地久 也許只是時間的荒謬
我沈迷的感動與你不同
我的了解讓我自由
一場雨 有時候下得不是時候
就像你 說難過不是真的難過
你到底懂不懂 我只要一個安穩的等候
你到底懂不懂 想你想得好像 空氣都停了
你總說愛情之所以為愛情 是用來揮霍
你總是漫不在乎 當我看著自己的稀薄
你編織的感覺難以捉摸
你比我的夢境還困惑
我看見愛情之所以為愛情 誰都在揮霍
我想的天長地久 也許只是時間的荒謬
我沈迷的感動與你不同
我的了解讓我自由
你總說愛情之所以為愛情 是用來揮霍
你總是漫不在乎 當我看著自己的稀薄
你編織的感覺難以捉摸
你比我的夢境還困惑
我看見愛情之所以為愛情 誰都在揮霍
我想的天長地久 也許只是時間的荒謬
我沈迷的感動與你不同
我的了解讓我自由
我沈迷的感動與你不同
我的了解讓我自由
Her songs always seem to give me unfound courage & determination to set things right-for my own good. :) And i like.
談戀愛必須翹課，因為學校裡沒教這件人生最美妙的事情。
可是啊 ...........
談戀愛不必翹課，因為學校只要你的腦子，
而談戀愛是不用腦子的。
談戀愛必須翹課，因為:
歷史課本上的偉人，都不是因為戀愛而偉大的人；
國文課本上的佳作，都不是因為戀愛而美麗的情詩或情書。
( 這是怎麼回事呢，你們這些編課本的人？這不是擺明了要我們戀愛者翹課嗎？)
可是啊 ...........
談戀愛不必翹課，因為學校的考試，忽然都不可怕了——
戀愛是人生最關鍵的考試，比起來，學校那些考試算得了什麼呢？
CAIKANGYONG
有人談戀愛了! :)
*not me
I am still very much jobless. And have spend a week doing almost nothing except chasing after HK dramas and letting my deteriorating brain cells self-destruct further. I have been putting aside my ambitions, new room deco plans and every other thing I should be making up my mind on to do almost nothing constructive. Very horrible really, not to mention p.a.t.h.e.t.i.c.
Its a new week tomorrow and I can't wait already. Although my heart still feel stifle sometimes but I guess I think the "Wake up your idea" knock in this case is very timely & very much required. A second interview tomorrow. An open mind (/heart). A diving trip.
Guess its time to start my life all over again.
看见他 我想说
喜欢不一定要拥有
至少你可以选择让你们的回忆有美好的句号
谁又可以承诺天长地久？
看见她 我又想说 喜欢就不要放弃
真诚相信 丢下你所有的赌注和筹码
反正下一盘的输赢不会因为这盘而有影响
看见她 天真浪漫对爱充满幻想
我想说 你值得好好的爱一场却又暗暗担心
希望越大嘛那失望就。。
看见他 我想说 放下难看的刺猬外套吧
为了不让心受伤害所以防备
却也失去了一切可能的机会
看见她 我想说 勇敢一点！
他说爱你就是爱你就算被骗也不过是一颗心
好在当你要回你这颗心时
绝对没有人可以阻挡你
看见他 我想说 别让女人有不安和怀疑自己的时候
我们的美丽要你们的温柔帮我们保留下来 呵护疼爱就可以不必摸索你们的心 把我们在藏哪里
The author of this wrote this about 3 years back & I love it still 3 years forward.
Haha love the author too.
A personal friend!! ;)
Tomorrow is my last day at work. :)
A little afraid and very much happy to be away from it as well.
I never know looking for a job is like dating. You go through the list of available positions, and narrow down to those that you are interested in or more importantly, qualified to even send in your resume. Then you wait to see if the other party replies, and give you an opportunity to sell yourself. Sometimes, they just totally ignore you. Or if they can/are nice, they send you an email to said you have not be short listed. And usually, they will regret that only short listed candidates will be notify. Sighs.
Then when you are finally called up for an interview. You get all excited & a rosy picture is paint immediately by the call/email confirmation. You start with all the possiblities and squeeze your brain on how to impress on the interview. You dress right & have the butterfly jitters long before the actual date. Sometimes, you can't believe your luck and some time you just try your luck.
After the interview, or sometimes even during the midst of the interview, you know the job is not right for you or that somehow things aren't as rosy as it seem from the start. Its wasn't what you had imagine or even want. Then there are those that you want it so much yet know at the back of the mind, the shortlisted call is never gonna come. Heart broken or not, the whole cycle of continuing the job search has to go on.
Then reality bites when you get the call/email/no news, that you were right after all. Or the bubble burst and that you were wrong with your assumptions, and confidance dives.
I will have like to end this post with a bang! But my interviews result pretty much mirror my dating life... And its kind of depressing. I miss the "ohmp" in my life.
These days I think I am unlucky.
Its as if I can smelled the "suayness"
its there before I go for my interview
its there when I wake up in the morning & remember
or when work held me back unreasonably so.
The law of attraction seems to be at play here.
simply put:
thoughts have an energy which attracts whatever it is the person is thinking of
And because its not selective, it blankets me so.
If every action has its consequence
my thoughts put into action--
will have them too.
Love it for the message it conveys. And for the emotions it so cleverly captured. Along the way when we find the music to our life, the sponstanous silly stuffs we will do, its such a beautiful thing.
Please watch it.
Watched Gran Torino on my off day
Wanted to post a cute picture ofI think I have successfully power jump out of Grief.
And its hilariously due to ____________.
Oh my, it have such great power.
No doubt.
I got to remember this!
Zipped.
Looking forward
The 5 stages of Grief.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Checked.
So there might be a cycle to it afterall.
And my final acceptance is really
quiet optimisim hidden as long as required.
Till one day when nothing can stir
me no longer.
Getting use to somebody is the first step to falling in love
& knowing this,
Regrets are draining reminder of the past.present.future,
& knowing that,
I learnt.
There's no point.
I am back.
Have make some changes to my life, and ironically- they either means I do the same thing all the time or go back to square one. Every tues since about 5 xingqiner ago, I will meet up with a friend and wala2 There's this particular band who played real well there & lets me get my weekly live-music fix and mango magaritas. And I am happy like that. Simple.
I make a happy choice awhile back to do something and now, it isn't a easy decision to not do something. I know that whatever I have got myself into will not have affected me as much if I had not go ahead with my heart instinct, and ruin all the self control & respect I have restored over the past few months. But I am an effort kind of girl, and I convince myself too easily. All not really well, but it is a choice. And its my choice.
Happy niu Year!
Day One @ The Flyer
Gong Xi Gong Xi
The Whole 27 on One Capsule
Day Two @ Newton.Suite
Sister Shoot
Couple Shoot
Joker(me?!) Shoot
Family Shoot
Day Three @ Da Place
Guitar Hero in the making
Looking forward to a better 2009.Saw a friend blog which has the lyrics of this particular song & felt its fit in. There is so much to look ahead of in the coming year but yet enough emotions to weigh me down. I want a new job. But no one hiring. Being older and none the wiser scares me. And as I read the quote in the papers, "We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years." - The Paradox of Time.
I became moody. Or am. Should go back to living in bubbles
