Like all the other guys before, it din last again. Sometimes i wonder if the problem lies in me. The pangs in the heart will go away i know, and the head-strong side of me finally shown when I could not type out what I really meant.

Maybe for other girls/guys they can go on dates with different parties. But I can't. Not when my mentality is that I will only go out with those I like, and when I already like you why would I want to go out with someone else.. And it hurts to know because of this thinking, I became the final loser.

All the while, I have been letting him take the initiative at meet ups, sms, and even msn. I refuse to fall first, and except for his birthday present has not really shown that i like him. At least thats what i think, maybe my behavior and all is already telling to outsiders or even to him. But yesterday when I ask him who he watching enchanted with, I knew I had put my heart out there to be broken. The sms exchanges later at night finally bring everything to the end. I told him to contact me less. He mistaken it at first that i was dating. And finally guesses it was because of him going out on dates with other girls. I just can't take that seriously, although I know i have no rights to. He said he do like me but think its unreasonable for me to expect this from a friend. HA. That i am denying him of a chance of happiness. yahhhz, so i finally wished him good luck with his happiness, friend.

I wanted to tell him that I like him and don't usually go out with guys and that of cos i would expect the same for him. Instead i said I guess i have high expectation of guys and I don't go out with guys unnecessarily. The reason why i felt that I cannot continue this way is really because i am really afraid to get use to somebody..And when finally he found his happiness, I will be worse off than now. So I thought i should get everything clear first, and if there is not a safety net for me, I wouldn't dive in. I know I will be fine after awhile and that moving on is part of life. And at least I have those memories to look back on..

Is it really too much to expect guys to not go out with dates with other girls when they are single.. HAHA, as i type this I saw the contradiction but i really can't help feeling horrible when it happen..