the power of conversation

Been having many conversations these days, and it makes me really happy. The people I talk to and the contents we exchanged, it makes me realise one thing. I really like to talk to some people, yes even more so than others. I am all too willing to share with you my life stories, if I like you and that's if you really cared. And likewise, the warm fuzzy feeling that comes when you share with me yours. Honestly, the best way to get two people closer is really to share whats inside =)

I remember being really upset after my disappointing results and after talking to Rach in school abt shopping.clothes.grades and all that, I think it lifted my spirit so much..Thank you. And then there is the chit chat session with the CL gals last nite. From the personal sharing with rongz, to the mass talking session at 9pm which ended like 11 plus when we really had to leave to catch the last train back it was GREATTTT! Scary tales. Silly Pasts. hoot! And then the heart to heart talk late into the night with yen, where nothing much we concluded except gals just wanna have fun. It was really important to know what she thinks, and i really thank her for her honesty ;)

More great conversations expected the next week. Yey.

peace of mind

south africa was good ...
x4 of winnings at one particular jackpot machice ..
movie marathon on plane and at hotel rooms ..
up close to a lion cub and ostrich ..
beautiful cape town ..
exhilarating helicopter ride ..

cold jeep ride ..
fun and childish card games with the young ones ..
windy cold weather AND hot sunny tan ..
food food food ...

Here's the picture

family shot with tour guides

at cape town

at johanesburg

a frightening but yet lovely experience

africa

cultural village

at the lost city

ostrich have very flexible neck ;)

the people

forfeit for the card games (fun)

ze at the beach

we are f.a.m.i.l.y

short helicopter ride

beauty cub

breathtaking

I think i got my xmas wish, had you?
=)

Anyway its great to be back, and even better that I am meeting all my favourite girls CL, DMNS, G.G gurls all really soon. =-) Sometimes,i like things this way. Like the schedule is packed with so much to do in so little time. Shopping sooon?

South Africa 16th-25th December

My dad said he caught a glimpse of the 'xiao-zhu' frenzy at the airport. Because he (papa) is alone and he often jokes, I still don't quite to believe or not. Heee

-ning @ airport

we got lucky once before

I PASSED.
Yay!

AF Gathering

Guess where we were in SIN?

The bartender who made us feel so special. Cause he gave us all the above drinks for free. First is the drink for the upcoming january competition. then next the march one, the internationl rainbow shooter and the fire-hot drink. And us girls just has the intention of HH drinks. =-P Too much alcohol for the night, not gonna do this again. Free then drink drink. Haha

The lift that gives rainbow reflection =) Special once caught in camera and lotsa of time for pic-taking UP to the 70th storey

AF01

AF02

AF03

Aspiring photographers. Behind the lens.

Bimbo posers. In Front of the lens.

haha =P

Night scenes amidst us

Trio

We want looooooooooooonnnnnggg legs... ...

So B-o-w-l-ed over

we took lotsa of pictures esp so at the end. When we were drunk and high. OMG, its the first time I drank so much in such a short time and I think I could not walk straight and felt tired and stoney. Although i could still think and remember everything that happen. Its still something i won't wanna try again. No thanks. Because I was tired and feeling not so well from the drink, I ended up missing my stop and slept all the way to the bus interchange!!! And i think the bus captain gave up trying to wake me up, cos I woke up like 12 40 plus on a empty dark bus. p.s: I boarded the bus at around 11 plus and should be home by 12 plus. Anyway, i was calm and very lucky that another bus captain was passing by cos the doors was lock and I tried to press the bell even. Heh. And very fortunate that yen is still up annd HAS A DRIVING LICENSE to come and get me. Thank Q! Hugged the toilet bowl and puked for the 1st time bcos of the drinks but felt instantly better. And according to yen, I snore last nite. Like i had a hard time breathing. OMG Heee.

a.peace.of.mind

i.am.ning.

Crystal 22nd Bdae Plus Meet up with Ryan

Ryan. Crystal. Pamela. Ning. Valerie. Yen. Qing Yang. Wei Ling

At Zhiying Wedding

Something I read sometime back, and now re-reading these chinese articles somehow it make me want to be reckless. =) From Cai Kang Yong blog

很多事情，我了解，但是不懂。

比方說 : 欲望、我大致上了解，因為很多都經歷過了。但欲望到底是怎麼回事情，我弄不懂。也不想懂。
對於生命、也是一樣 : 我了解、可是我不懂。

這個不懂，是我現在最大的樂趣。

我已經因為了解、而喪失了很多樂趣。

我真想念在還不了解的時候，那些蒙昧狂亂的日子，想念那些我用全心全身去領受去掠奪的自己。

當然是，回不去了。

李商隱為了杜甫的一次中途離席，寫過兩句詩－－

「座中醉客延醒客，江上晴雲雜雨雲」


生命的席上，你是那醉的？還是那醒的？

1

「擁有」跟「享有」，是有差距的。

不少家庭「擁有」鋼琴，但並不「享有」鋼琴──他們的鋼琴是家具、是展示品，但卻不是家中的音樂、不是生活。

不少財主「擁有」名畫，但並不「享有」名畫──他們的名畫是上流社會的會員證、是金錢比賽的獎盃，但卻不是藝術，既不感動財主、也沒能啟發財主。

「擁有」，但無法「享有」。

那，有沒有倒過來的例子呢？
有沒有「享有」、卻無法「擁有」的東西？

多的是。



2

我們「享有」空氣，但無法「擁有」空氣。

我們「享有」陽光，但無法「擁有」太陽。

我們有時候會昏了頭，以為陽光、空氣、水、大地、能源，通通屬於我們、通通歸我們所有。於是我們胡亂揮霍，以為反正不要錢，直到礦挖完、空氣與水髒掉、陽光變得會傷人，

這時，我們才醒覺，這些對生命來說最重要的東西，並不是我們的，只是讓我們用而已。

我們濫用了這些生命所需，因為我們誤以為
都是我們的。


3.

我們享用友情、親情，
但沒有辦法擁有那個友人、那個親人。

我們也享用愛情，
但沒有辦法擁有那個愛人。


就享有吧

「享有」比「擁有」貴重多了

那才是生命的光澤

生命消失時

將在眼前閃耀。

My mind has been in a twirl since that incident, and although everything is supposedly all worked out. Things have not been able to return to like before. Or at least to me, I can't help feeling different. And with advices/warnings *) from the 'Master of Deception', I had to remove my tinted view of the situation and turned "Miss Cool Cucumber". But the thing is, I dun like how things is now either. Sometime walking on egg shells. Sometimes having to bite back questions or comments... So copying the Fatty Tian Drama i Watched, Could you tell what whether its sunrise or sunset?

And Bcos for now I can't really tell, I am gonna be the " Ning, I am " and so that no matter what, at the end of the day there won't be any what ifs and i would have 享有 even if I can't 擁有 whats is not meant to be mine in the first place. =)

Like all the other guys before, it din last again. Sometimes i wonder if the problem lies in me. The pangs in the heart will go away i know, and the head-strong side of me finally shown when I could not type out what I really meant.

Maybe for other girls/guys they can go on dates with different parties. But I can't. Not when my mentality is that I will only go out with those I like, and when I already like you why would I want to go out with someone else.. And it hurts to know because of this thinking, I became the final loser.

All the while, I have been letting him take the initiative at meet ups, sms, and even msn. I refuse to fall first, and except for his birthday present has not really shown that i like him. At least thats what i think, maybe my behavior and all is already telling to outsiders or even to him. But yesterday when I ask him who he watching enchanted with, I knew I had put my heart out there to be broken. The sms exchanges later at night finally bring everything to the end. I told him to contact me less. He mistaken it at first that i was dating. And finally guesses it was because of him going out on dates with other girls. I just can't take that seriously, although I know i have no rights to. He said he do like me but think its unreasonable for me to expect this from a friend. HA. That i am denying him of a chance of happiness. yahhhz, so i finally wished him good luck with his happiness, friend.

I wanted to tell him that I like him and don't usually go out with guys and that of cos i would expect the same for him. Instead i said I guess i have high expectation of guys and I don't go out with guys unnecessarily. The reason why i felt that I cannot continue this way is really because i am really afraid to get use to somebody..And when finally he found his happiness, I will be worse off than now. So I thought i should get everything clear first, and if there is not a safety net for me, I wouldn't dive in. I know I will be fine after awhile and that moving on is part of life. And at least I have those memories to look back on..

Is it really too much to expect guys to not go out with dates with other girls when they are single.. HAHA, as i type this I saw the contradiction but i really can't help feeling horrible when it happen..

The cup is half full

As we do our daily routines and try to live our life, we come across questions that makes our world seem so much narrower and harder to live through and which has answers that elude the whole meaning behind everything or anything. Maybe they are not so much of questions, but observations about things around us that is happening that doesn't make sense now. The stress that are put into doing well for exams which manifest into a disease 'society' where other developments for the child seem to be neglected. And then the whole idea of stepping into the work race which make us robots and machines really. The post-work routinal life is even harder to stomach, and its scares the hell out of me.

And if the process of life is not about questions, it is ought to be about the people. Those that left memories and those which left cuts and well, a empty hole in the heart. People hurt one another unknowingly which could result from a misunderstanding or a miscommunications or when you are just feeling not too good. But at the other end, there are those which knows you so well they hurt you with what they know about you. And seriously i think the latter people are more dangerous because they meant it. The people we met and how we perceive them are really like a photo. They seem to be something that reflect either a transition of our life, or the state of mind we have when we meet them. Like when you are a student, you probably be meeting friends whom are looking at company and fun. Or at the hectic and cut throat work place, where you are stress and cornered, most probably the perception of the people you met will be less flavourable considering the circumstance. ..

a quote
"Any schoolboy can do experiements in the physics laboratory to test various scientific hypotheses. But man, because he has only one life to live, cannot conduct experiments to test whether to follow his passion or not."

Happy 80th Birthday

As i kapoh on friendster today, I realised On-Off status doesn't happen only in semiconductor optoelectronics. And I feel hearten that the best times are still with my loved ones, and with them ... it can only be on. Yesterday family bonding time was so good, I cant wait for the mass flight to China coming CNY when it will be many days of family bonding.. Yipppppeeeeeeee

Mood: Totally no mood to study for exam. Whatttt exammm??

Rar-Rah !!!

I feel max out. Like nothing can go into the head now, so I stopped studying for tomorrow papers. Complacency is sure gonna haunt me at the exam's hall... Can't wait for wed to come, cos by then all my "harder" papers will be completed by then AND it will be my ah ma bdae celeb. Can't wait. They are gonna have catering at 10am , 1pm and then dinner at a restaurant. Wohooooo, too bad i got to miss the morning one cos i got a paper. YummmmmmmYY

Oh went with yu to city plaza and got 3 shoes for $30!!! And its super nice type which prob will cost so much more at far east! Mine is a black tuxedo like wedge-heel. While i choose for yen this dusty gray flats with coloured stones on it. Yu got a white pointed flats with cute buttons on it.Its really a cheap shoes heavens!!!! =)

A400

with adeline


with destiny



with dione




Did an event and we had to dress as SQ girls. It was a break from study with ok pay. =-) And looking at the pictures, I think my posture is real bad. Hee, and my head look super big cos i do the "tortoise-head" action when I take picture! Haha. =-) Really enjoyed myself last nite at the event, the girls was all fun loving and the MC was hilarious and make me laugh till my stomach archs. At one point, I really thought I could feel abs forming with the constant and continous laughing. And the best thing, I saw XJ there too!!! We made each other night, cos it is always great to see someone close and familiar so unexpectedly.. =* And somehow its heartening to know there are people who knows you well, and thankfully they are there for you ...

+ I figure at how to do the bun!!! the one who tied her first neat bun the day before, could actually help the rest do theirs the next day.. I even tried googling and lost lots of hair while trial and erroring. =-) I went fully prepared, red nails, hair sprays and pins.. I was real serious about it. Hee. cos I was hoping my positive attitude will get me more of such jobs .... Got Mo-Di de lar.. *)

I cant wait for exams to be over, and as I finished them one by one - there is the IT show to look forward to. Yen. Laopo. Rongz. $$ching-chang!